As a young girl, she had read a steady diet of Anne of Green Gables and Little Women. She dreamed in technicolor and her stories were rarely anything less than larger than life. It was her glorious dream of being a writer that kept her going through college. Hardly a day would go by without her working on some writing project.

She heard that writing conferences were the place to go if you wanted to be a serious writer.

So she signed up. She polished her manuscript. And then she showed up.

It was a sweltering summer for Portland. It would be years before she would compare it to a mild spring day in South Texas. The conference was held at a retreat center and summer camp on the banks of a cold river. Perfect for dipping in between sessions and late at night while bats flew overhead.

That’s where she met them. Her fellow Diamond Girls.

They met the first day of the OCW summer conference. They were some of the youngest attendees. So they did almost everything together. They plotted agents to approach, sessions to attend, and how to snag the perfect seat at the dinner table. Little did they know that it would be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

One Diamond Girl, Nicole, dreamed of horses. Historical fiction.

Another, Jessica, had grand plans for her fairy-tale science-fiction books that included a thick Spanish flavor.

Caitlin had simple dreams. Become a professional writer. (Although, she refused to write romance.)

One of the last days of the conference, the three of them were stopped by a woman.

“I feel like I should tell you that God sees you as diamonds.” She rummaged through her purse and pulled out three plastic diamonds. “Here, these will remind you that even though you may be diamonds in the rough, God sees you as diamonds.”

And thus, the Diamond Girls were born.

Over the years, we’ve kept in touch. We aren’t a writers group in the traditional sense. We never bring our manuscripts to our meetings. When all three of us are in Oregon, we do whatever it takes to meet up.

It’s been beautiful to see the way the dear Diamonds have taken shape.

Nicole has become a signed author with the agent we both coveted. Nicole has written quite a few novels and is waiting for a publishing house to pick her up. (If you are a publishing house, you should sign her. Just offering my unbiased opinion.)

Jessica has been the world traveler who has experienced more adventure than the rest of us can imagine. She’s been to China and back, with stories wrought in hardship and loss. After flying around the globe, Jessica is settling back down into a cozy Oregon life.

And then there’s me. I’m living my dream. (Although romance? I kind of write about that. A lot.)

I credit a lot of it to the OCW. I had worked a lot with photographers and graphic designers. Stepping into a community of writers was a welcome change. Finally, people who understood me. People who challenged me. Inspired me. Pulled me out of my comfort zone and a step closer to a professional writer.

I can’t wait to see how the Diamond Girls continue to grow.

I hadn’t talked to her in years. There’s nothing quite like catching up with an old friend. Even though you don’t see them often, it’s like slipping back into an easy rhythm. Finding out how the unfinished sentences and dreams end.

When I knew the former edition of her, she was a wide-eyed dreamer with a deep voice. She could talk anyone into anything. And most often, that meant getting people to help those in need.

Orphans in Africa.

Homeless people in cities all across America.

Gang members who found more acceptance on the street than they had their homes.

We used to go get coffee, she and I. We’d sit and dream. Ponder deeply about the ways that we would change the world. She was the master photographer and I was always willing to model so she could get the lighting just right on a shoot. Then she’d shoot while I interviewed people and coaxed their stories from their hearts and lips.

Neither one of us meant to fall out of touch. Life just happens.

We finally caught up.

The last time we had talked, we were dreamers. Dreamers with part-time jobs that made ends meet while we pursued the passions that consumed us up.

I was always half-envious of her. The way she was able to capture with the camera the life that was happening all around her. My eye for photography is half-blind and my ability to stand a step away from the action is hard. I want to be in the thick of things, experiencing the full range of emotion.

Neither one of us could do what the other excelled at. That wasn’t our gifting. We had our own dreams, our own callings.

We’re living our dreams now.

It’s humbling to see how God had coaxed both of us into journeys we never thought we would take. Our lives don’t look like we had expected but almost every dream of our heart has come true.

She gets to travel, mentor young adults, and take killer photographs. She’s making a difference in the lives of people all around the world. Her photography is taking off. Her business is thriving. Her ministry is exploding. Oh, and she’s fallen in love. It’s a beautiful thing to behold

I’m writing, exploring, and getting to fall in love with a new city all over again. My writing is slowly making its way across the world. And I write about my crazy love life. Instead of writing books, I’m living a great story.

If you aren’t living your dream now, someday you will.

Someday, you’ll get a call from an old friend and you’ll untangle the story lines. You’ll spend a few hours tracing them back to the dreams that inspired them. Maybe you’ll remember the knotted parts where you grew so frustrated that gave up on your hopes and dreams. The months and years where you had to walk away.

When you look back, you’ll find that God never gave up on the mess. On the impossible tangles.

When you weren’t looking, He was gently tugging. Untangling. He never gave up.

You’ll discover that the lines were leading, even in a roundabout way, to something more beautiful than you could have imagined up. Even if you had been locked up in an attic room and left to dream for days. You’ll find traces of your dreams and realize that they weren’t yours in the first place. They were put in your heart by God. You discovered them and claimed them for your own. But they were things that you were created to do.

As the country song goes, life ain’t always beautiful but it’s a beautiful life.

What’s one of your dreams?

Being honest is hard work.

This last Wednesday, I had the opportunity to be on Grounded with Ryan Dobson.

Ryan is a fan of the Keeper or Creeper series on this blog. So when he needed a single girl to talk about the Christian dating scene, he asked me.

Awesome!

Kind of. Ish?

To be honest, it’s weird talking about your love life on the radio.

It’s hard keeping this blog sometimes. There are some stories you’ll hear in the interview that you won’t hear on the blog.

You’ll hear about my growing up years, my love for my family, and what got me blogging about my love life.

I don’t have a monopoly on truth. I don’t have all the answers. There are times when I’m 90% on the money and other times when my musings are completely off. But I write because I believe that all of us are broken and in need of God’s healing.

I write because I believe in Jesus.

I believe in that His love transforms.

I believe that when it comes to relationships, most of us don’t know what to do.

Many of us were raised in the church and have ideas but don’t know what they look like in practice. We’ve followed the rules and are slightly surprised that we’re still single. But in our rush to do things the “Christian” way, we forgot what it looked like to do things the God-centered way.

After a series of crazy dating experiences, I came across blogs by Joy Eggerichs, Ally Vesterfelt, and Lauren Dubinsky. There was this crazy awesome community called The Good Women Project.

And they rocked my world.

God started scrubbing the scabs off my heart. Blood had to flow before hidden wounds could heal. I had to deal with sin. The ugly things hidden deep in my soul that I didn’t want to talk about. It was amazing.

And I realized that if they could be brutally honest and get real about their faith, so could I. The truth of the matter is that I’ll never be Joy, Ally, or Lauren. I can only be Caitlin, flaws and all. So I blog to tell you what God’s doing in my heart. The beautiful things. The hard things. The things that only He can do.

As I started dating more, I realized that all of us fall into either the keeper or the creeper category. It’s easy to figure out which one our date falls into but it’s harder to diagnose yourself. After a very unfortunate date, I had to take a long hard look at the way that I had been dealing with sin in my life.

Or the way that I wasn’t dealing with it.

I could decry my date but what about my heart? There are some red flags that should never be ignored. But there are also yellow flags that tell just as much about you as they do your date.

Instead of running blindly, I started asking why. I started asking God to bring healing to my heart. Because even though I’d like to convince the world otherwise, I’m not perfect. I have my own set of issues.

Healing comes in vulnerability. Healing comes from repentance. Healing comes from Jesus.

My deepest hope is that the lessons I learn reverberate in the heart of someone else. That God uses my typings to touch their soul and bring healing the way that the words of other bloggers have touched my heart.

Thanks for listening.

Cheers,

Caitlin

Being single on Valentine’s Day isn’t the end of the world.

I want you to know this because it’s going to be tempting to give in to self-pity today.

The world, and even some of the church, will tell you that you aren’t complete without someone on your arm. That’s not true.

You are a fantastic person.

I could offer you all sorts of reasons why you’re single on Valentine’s Day 2012 (maybe the last Valentine’s Day EVER if the Mayans are right). But you’ve probably heard them all already. And excuses are stupid.

You’re single. Today.

Big deal.

You were probably single yesterday. And you’ll probably be single tomorrow. It’s not going to be true of every day but just today.

The world, and some of the church, and well meaning people from all over, will tell you to keep your chin up. That one day, you’ll find The One and live happily ever after. This may be true. I sincerely hope it is.

But it’s easy to slip into the script of self-pity we’re handed as singles. People expect us to be discontent with where we are at. To be disgruntled. Or to drown our sorrows on Valentine’s Day in alcohol or pints of Ben + Jerry’s ice cream.

That’s dumb. Don’t give in.

Your worth is not found in someone else.

Your worth is found in Christ.

God thinks you are a big deal. Even without a significant other.

Your worth is found in the millions of things that make you unique and lovable.

You are loved.

You are lovable.

You are worthy of being loved.

Even if you aren’t getting chocolate and a dozen long stemmed roses this year.

Please get this through your head.

One day, you won’t be spending Valentine’s Day alone. You’ll have that significant other.

But not this year.

Don’t pout. Don’t rage at God. Just be. For some reason, you are better off single at this moment than you are in a relationship. Blink. Let that sink in. And then thank God for it.

Enjoy the quirks of being a single.

Enjoy the blessing of having a chill night.

Enjoy one of your last Valentine’s Days as a single.

Do something you love. Do something for people you love. The holiday is not nulled based on your relationship status. Being single on Valentine’s Day is not an excuse to be pathetic.

It’s an excuse to be awesome.

How are you spending the day?

Image Courtesy of http://www.flickr.com/photos/ideaablaze

Bethany Cox shares her story about love in today’s edition of Keeper or Creeper. I found myself nodding, shaking my head, and cheering when she finally found the love of her life. I think you’re going to like her story. Want to submit your own story for Keeper or Creeper?  Contact me!

My mother always told me that you will KNOW when you meet him. It’s common motherly advice right? I didn’t doubt her at all, I just didn’t know what KNOWING felt like.

Let’s start at the beginning shall we?

I am a HOPELESS romantic. I’m an eternal optimist about love and honestly believe that is someone specific out there for everyone. I know that true love exists and I knew this long before I had ever found it. I wanted what I have learned that a lot of girls want, someone to tell me that I was beautiful and not only on the outside but the inside too, that I was worth it, that I was doing things that he thought were incredible.

I wanted someone who saw in me, something worth investing in. By investing, I mean investing himself, his time, and his emotions. Most importantly I wanted someone who I wanted to invest in as well. I wanted to take care of someone. I wanted to help him accomplish things. I wanted to make his life better in some way. So… that’s what I want and that’s what I have been looking for all my life.

In high school I had a nice boyfriend. He was sweet to me, wrote me poems, took me on dates, and told me I was pretty. There was nothing bad about him.

I thought, “Ok… he’s the one. I found him. Mom was right. You will KNOW.”

I was wrong of course. I thought being nice was love. That’s not all there is to it. When I realized that I wanted something more, a connection that reached deeper than simply happiness, I parted way with him, that same day.

In college, I dated someone almost the opposite. Rather than being “nice” to me all the time, he was intense. An artist. A romantic. I tried to live our those other goals I had of helping someone. I wanted to make his life better. I wanted to invest myself in him and just make his darkness light. Looking back, I wish I could yell at myself and say, “YOU KNOW THIS ISNT RIGHT,” but… I know I wouldn’t have listened.

I didn’t listen to anyone.

My family each sat me down and told me that things weren’t right in my life and I ignored every one of them. Deep, deep down I knew something was amiss. Any semblance of God that I had in my life was completely thrown out the window. I totally ignored that part of my life. I made myself a complete doormat. I never stood up and decided not to take it anymore. I hate that HE was the one who ended it. I hate that it took me over 2 years to not wish for him back. That experience filled me with an emptiness that I wish on no one. I was yet again…. wrong.

You gotta get through the dark night though to see the sunrise.

Image Courtesy http://www.flickr.com/photos/keithroper

Enter Christ.

This was a turning point of course. When you are that low and that alone, you realize that you have nothing else, not even yourself. I fell in love with Christ. I became someone that I liked again. I was ok with me.

It was a long journey and I know that it was a very personal one. If I hadn’t gone through this critical step, I would not have been where I needed to be when I met my husband Dan. God’s timing is perfect, even though it’s not what we always want. I was so lonely but I knew I was preparing.

I met Dan a month after I graduated college. He was so very different than anyone I knew, much less anyone I had loved before. Meeting him was like jumping into a clear mountain lake.

It was the most refreshing experience I have ever had in my life before and since. It was like smelling citrus and drinking iced lemonade on a perfect weather day with all the time in the world ahead of you. I had finally found that feeling of KNOWING that my mother had spoken about all my life.

He was…the one.

The way I knew was simple. There was nothing that had ever compared to him. I had nothing that I could compare him to in my past, but he still felt like home. It was like imagining your dream house, looking at your key ring, and somehow having a key to the front door. He was exactly what the Lord had been keeping for me all my life. There he was.

And here he still is.

My hope and prayer for everyone one out there lost or grounded, is to hold fast. I want you to KNOW that the Lord holds you and your heart close and he will not forget you. He knows your heart and he knows who he has for you. Just snuggle into the Lord and put your heart in his hands. They are the only hands worthy of that treasure.

Bethany (@BethanySpeaks) and her husband Dan are photographers and adventurers. Soon after getting married, they packed everything up and hit the high seas. In kayaks no less. They kayaked the entire East Coast, from Maine to Florida. (editors note: Umm…pretty amazing! Bethany inspires me. Even if she doesn’t know it.)

Bethany and Dan currently live in Boston. If you’re still reading, you should check out their website, get engaged, and then hire them to shoot your wedding.

You can also like their photography on Facebook.

Can you imagine living without fear?

For many people, fear is the snake in the grass. It’s the unexpected horror on a summer day that strikes when as they’ve walking barefoot and carefree. It’s the bite on the heel, the sinister sound of a rattle that makes their blood turn into lead. It cripples them. Alienates them. Paralyzes them.

I found this snake at a candy shop at the beach. Who knows what possessed the owner to put him there, just a few feet away from the bubblegum and black licorice. Perhaps it’s a tried and true method of deterring hungry shoplifters?

Behind glass, snakes only induce shudders. There’s safety knowing that the evil has been caged.

What would it look life to live life with your fears caged? To live your life uncaged.

Would you:

• check out of your boring job and start your own business?
• dumping the (in)significant other you secretly know isn’t right for you?
•  join the Peace Corp?
• take that painting class you’ve always wanted to take?

Maybe it’s speaking up about your faith. At work. At play. On the bus. Letting your faith dictate your actions, not your actions your faith.

There is no denial in courage. Courage is denying fear the chance to strangle you with it’s icy fingers.

I thought I was writing something brilliant when I wrote that quote down. But I wrote a lie. There’s lots of denial in courage. To be brave, you must deny fear. You have to look it in the eye, tell it to take a hike, and live in a way that it won’t be smirking behind your back.

Fear reminds me of that ugly rattlesnake at the beach. Even behind glass the rattle makes us stiffen, freeze, and wonder where in the world the danger is coming from. Taking the time to assess the situation is wise, but staying still too long keeps you in the path of danger.

I’ve feared many things in my life. But the time of fear is over.

David, a warrior with the soul of a poet, knew what it was like to face fears. As I read the scriptures, I read time and time again of how David is running for his life. First from his father in law, and then later, his son.

David faced depression, fear, anxiety, and debilitating circumstances.

And yet it was written in 1 Samuel 30:6 – David was now in great danger because all his men were very bitter about losing their sons and daughters, and they began to talk of stoning him. But David found strength in the LORD his God.

Another version says that David “strengthened himself in the LORD.”

I don’t know about you but I’m not facing great danger.

I’m not facing an angry mob of parents robbed of their children.

My fears are not for my life.

But I find incredible encouragement in those words.

David found strength in the LORD.

You can face anything with God.

What you can’t see in this picture are the notes scribbled all over the rest of the two pages. The ballpoint pen engraved the words on the paper, making them last longer than the dry black ink.

I felt like sharing some of the notes. Not because I’m a spiritual giant who has a monopoly on truth, but because I’m human, I’m flawed, I’m broken, and they brought comfort to my soul.

We can protect ourselves right out of our callings. God doesn’t call us all to safe, comfortable lives. Faith means not knowing and still choosing to do.

I know that I put up little Berlin Walls in the my heart. Not a nice little picket fence that you can peek through but something greater and uglier. Harsh concrete that doesn’t even make you want to come near. Barbed wire loops around the top, keeping people out and my soul in. That’s not the way that God intended our souls to be. He should be our Rock, the Fortress we run to. We aren’t supposed to retreat behind our self-imposed walls.

People are not born brave, it is encouraged + conditioned.

This one I know in my soul to be true. Although many people think of me as brave, I was not always that way. As a little girl, I hid so that I would not have to face people. I would hide in the cupboards, the closets, and underneath the sink.

Shy was an understatement. Freaked out about any human contact outside my family would have been closer to the truth.

I wish I could have some inspiring story about how people came next to me and gave me some sort of therapy that miraculously cured me. But that’s not how it went. It was an idolization of Nancy Drew and a healthy case of acting. When I was scared, I would act brave.

If you act one way long enough, pretty soon it becomes second nature. So I acted outgoing. Acted like an extrovert. Acted like someone who wasn’t afraid of their own shadow.

It was all horrible shallow. It wasn’t until I learned that God loved AND liked me, even in my ragamuffin state that I learned I didn’t have to fear. I got a lot more talkative too.

We can be one decision away from an all-new storyline.

Donald Miller’s book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, really drove this one home for me last year. A life of self-protection really isn’t a life at all. It’s a cheap carbon copy of one.

Think about it. Fear lives in grays. Life lives in colors. Vibrant technicolor sometimes. At least, that’s how I view it.

As I often blog about, my own life took a few changes after picking up A Million Miles. It was a tool that God used to coax me out of my timidity and embrace the adventure that He wanted me to live.

I was discouraged this time last year. I was a barista whose soul was slowly dying. But then God gave me this crazy opportunity. Leave home and move to a strange country. Texas, no less.

I had a huge decision. And after I made it, the story-line of my life changed. It was hard but I don’t regret it one bit. The last nine months have been hard but they have been worth every last minute. My soul has come alive again and I absolutely love life.

I never thought I had a problem with fear.

I was the child who would give fear the finger. Climb trees and jump out of them. The girl with wide eyes and stitches. But the truth of the matter is that I have my own set of fears that I have to face. The demons I don’t talk about.

The picture above is of my notes from last night’s Beth Moore Bible Study. They aren’t the scribblings of someone who didn’t need the message. My soul drank it up like a thirsty cactus at the beginning of monsoon season. I needed it.

One of the things I fear the most is rejection.

It’s the core fear of humanity, I think. It started in the garden. It’s why clothes were invented. A gnawing fear, a guilt in their case, that caused them to try to gloss it over, cower and hide.

The fear of rejection is what makes people do crazy things. They hold on to relationships longer than is healthy, lash out at the people who love them most, and diet like they’ll be competing in the Miss America swim-suit competition in five minutes.

The fear of rejection is also what causes people to live quiet lives of desperation. It causes Miss Independent to become a Stepford Wife. Trade in the ripped jeans and devil-may-care attitude for worry lines and aprons. Of course, it’s all smothered with a smile. But you can’t hide pain with lip gloss. You can’t spackle the hole in your soul. It will just grow bigger until your life is a minefield of fears, a blurry picture of the vibrant life you could have had.

You can’t fix your fears.

You can’t ignore them either.

You have to TRUST.

One day, I’d like to tattoo TRUST GOD onto my heart. Figuratively speaking of course. Until I get it tattooed on my wrist, it’s just something I remind my soul from day to day. If only it were that easy.

Last night at the Bible study, it was mentioned that the most popular, most common command was not a “thou shalt not” or even “love the world.” Although I do believe that both are important, it’s interesting that the most common, most used phrase in the entire Bible is:

FEAR NOT.

Hmmm. That’s something to think about it now, isn’t it?

The Bible is full of stories of men and women who were broken and flawed. They weren’t perfect. They didn’t always live on the edge of danger, daring it to take a swipe at them.

They had their own set of fears.

Mary had to face the fear of rejection. She had to deal with the whispers of a community and the glares of people who didn’t believe that she was baring the Christ-child.

Abraham was afraid of being killed because of his wife’s beauty. He was also afraid of dying without an heir. He did horrible things trying to placate these fears.

Peter was afraid of being known as a Jesus follower. He betrayed his best friend to save his skin.

The Bible is also full of people who had to realize that faith in Jehovah fills the gaping holes that fear had torn in their soul. That God was faithful yesterday, today, and forever. Once that seeps into your soul, you life is changed. Wrecked for the mundane and enlarged for the extraordinary.

When God says “Fear not,” why don’t I listen?

Here’s Stephanie’s story. Enjoy.

Cheers,

Caitlin

If I could go back and talk to my younger self, there are several things that I would do differently before entering the dating world and during relationships. I was done with college before I had my first relationship and I was unprepared for what it would bring.

When I entered into my first dating relationship, I had no idea what to expect.

I certainly did not imagine that I would meet a much more emotional version of me. Frankly, it scared me on more than one occasion. I had always considered myself a fairly even keeled person but being in a relationship showed me how much I desired to be loved and understood. My world became wrapped around that relationship to the extent that I spent less and less time with friends or doing other things on my own. Even my work suffered.

1. Read Emotional Purity: An Affair of the Heart by Heather Arnel Paulsen.

It would be best read before a girl enters into dating. For guys, this book will also help illuminate how girls interpret certain gestures differently than how they might have been intended. This book accurately describes how relationships often go deeper faster for the girl than the guy.

Girls automatically think long term whereas the guy might just be thinking about a friendship. Girls are also more emotional creatures by nature and thus are more easily devastated when the guy is not as serious as she is. I truly wish someone had given me this book before I started dating.

2. Strive for a proper work/life/relationship balance.

This is not easy. Friends and other activities are just as important while in a relationship as when you are not in one. You always need friends and they can be great resources on relationship topics. Utilize them! Friends can be candid with you when you are not with yourself.

3. Set aside alone time to truly listen to and define your inner thoughts.

Image Courtesy of http://www.flickr.com/photos/joelmontes

Instincts are given to us for our protection but sometimes we ignore them.  All too often I would rationalize why he did this or think “that was in the past, he is different now.”

I did not stop to listen to the warning signals inside of me and really ponder whether I should continue down this road before getting too deeply invested emotionally.

You have to know what you are willing to compromise on and what you are not. This means knowing where you stand on issues and how much you are willing to negotiate. Then be honest with each other about where you stand.

Clear and honest communication is imperative in any relationship and there is plenty to discuss.

If you are one who is not sure what kind of topics or questions to ask, there are great tools out there for prompting discussions such as Dr. Elsbeth Martindale’s Things to Know Before You Say “Go” conversation starter cards. A word of caution: the better you get to know someone the more attached you can become.

4. Realize that just because you love someone does not mean they are the right one for you.

I had this preconception that the first guy I dated would be the one I would marry and after 2 years of dating we parted ways on a sour note. Part of me was deeply shocked at how things had gone so awry. I wanted to retaliate.

Retaliation is never the answer. If you do, you will regret it. And it may turn into something that will haunt you. So despite how bad it hurts, resist retaliating.

5. Take the time to feel the pain, and heal. No rebounds.

This is the only way to truly learn from mistakes. In rebound dating, you are vulnerable to bad influences simply because you desire company, attention and closeness. This is another time to rely on friends, family and personal growth. Each lesson learned should help us grow as a person. Part of that growth is determining how to avoid making those same mistakes again. So take the time to learn and mature.

What are some of the lessons you have learned from your dating relationships?

Stephanie Ford is an Oregon resident, 27, and single. Currently, she is working part time as she strives toward starting her own social media business. Her interests include: writing, photography, dogs, the Oregon coast, real estate investing, friends, and now blogging. To connect with her, go to: http://facebook.com/netwrkbutterfly or https://twitter.com/netwrkbutterfly