Who says that kind of thing?

Seriously. If you say it out loud, it’s pretty messed up. Bigotry isn’t funny. And that’s what it is – bigotry.

My friend J.C., sent me this article yesterday. “It made me think of you,” he said.

“Why?” I texted back.

“Because you’re into relationships.”

Right. Good. Because I was reading it and thinking this has nothing to do with me, J.C.! I’m a blonde Caucasian woman. As far as men go, they all tend to like blondes. That’s me. Humble as ever.

I told J.C. as much and that launched an interesting conversation that I’ve been mulling over ever since.

READ THE SOURCE ARTICLE BEFORE CONTINUING.

Now read the original article that sparked all the responses.

I was raised pretty colorblind. Race has never played into the equation when I evaluate “potentials.” Growing up, I’ve seen one of my best friends, an African American woman, deal with the race card. We’ve had honest discussions about it and I know it’s something that people don’t take lightly. When it comes down to it, for both her and I, race isn’t an issue.  However, there are other factors that play in.

Like height. 

And age. 

It feels pretty ridiculous to type these out. I tend to blow guys off who are younger than me. And by younger, I don’t mean in years. Like if they were born in ’86 or later, they weren’t options. Weird, I know.  But men do it too. They have a formula for finding the minimum age they can date - [Guys age] / 2 + 7 = [Girl's Age].

J.C. pointed out that women don’t like to date shorter men. In turn, men don’t like to date taller women. There’s a bit of a perceived dominance issue. The person who is older/taller is often perceived as wiser/stronger. Which can be an issue.

For the sake of not sounding like a completely shallow person who always sticks by lists, I’ve dated shorter men. I’ve gone out with younger guys. And as some of my friends have reminded me, I’ve dated some guys that I just didn’t look that great with. I’m all for giving people chances. My preference tends to be the older, taller, and brilliant set who are slightly sarcastic. I adore them. Which is fine. But the fact is, those are preferences. They aren’t laws of the universe.

If I’m excluding men based on the things they don’t have any control over, I’m playing the race card myself.

That’s what I realized after my chat with J.C.

I often act like the preferences are the most important things in the world. My girlfriends and I have shipwrecked potentials time and time again because of our “must have” lists. In turn, we’ve been looked over because we’re not blonde enough, short enough, pretty enough, or don’t have the measurements of a Playboy model.

We all do it.

There are half a million other things we pretend are more important than character, honor, and that thing called godliness.

All too often, lists read like job descriptions for a slave. Or the specifications for an android we want built to serve us forever. A flawed human isn’t ever going to be able to fill all of them. They were born unable. It’s not like they are doing it on purpose. They just can’t.

The bottom line: I’m not saying it’s wrong to have a list with preferences. I have one. I’m just saying not to be legalistic or racist about it. Don’t be so rigid that you can’t recognize something good standing right in front of you.

Honest question time. What’s it for you: character or preferences? Do you even have a list?