November, 2009.
Dear Katie-girl,
You are about ready to embark on a crazy adventure. Your passport is full of stamps. Full of memories of adventures overseas.
The stamps won’t be able to reflect the lessons you learned or the ways you changed. But even as the ink fades, the lessons won’t.
I’m going to offer you some love advice. It’s more than just love advice though. Love will be a huge part of your life, as it should be. Love will impact your whole life and change who you are. That’s the power it holds. You are going to learn some crazy things. Some of the lessons you’ll learn through heartache. The heartache won’t kill you though. Instead, it will peel away at the onion layers that wrap your heart like a mummy. The layers that you let cocoon you until they began to suffocate you.
The unwrapping may feel painful or even awkward, but it’s through the peeling away of layers that your soul will begin to breathe again.
You are going to fall in love. Or at least, you’ll think you do. You’ll learn what it means to stay true to the dreams that God has placed in your heart. You’ll learn what it means to encourage someone else, even when their dreams take them away from you. Love the person you are with, even if it isn’t forever. It will be painful but it will bring life.
Miracles happen when you open yourself up to love.
Even miracles in your own heart. God will bring healing to the scars on your souls through the most unlikely of people. Don’t resist it but learn to walk away when your time with that person is up. Don’t linger. God’s timing is best. Really.
You are going to meet a lot of jerks. Sorry. That’s just part of your story. On the bright side, many people are entertained by your dating stories. That doesn’t help you much now but learn to laugh about it. Life could be so much worse. With each jerk you meet, you have a choice.
You can put walls up around your heart or you can learn to see them through eyes of mercy. If you build up walls, your heart will become so brittle that it will be incapable of love. If you gaze upon someone with mercy, you’ll learn that Jesus has an incredible plan for them. Your heart may be bruised but it will not be broken.
You’ll also learn that no matter how much you love someone, you can’t make them change. One of the most important bits of love advice I can give you is to remind you that you aren’t the Holy Spirit, dear one. Let God do His job. When you try to take God’s job, you muck up the whole thing. When you try to be an example to someone, you’re just revealing how much you don’t trust God.
When you see that flashing red light, run away. You are a woman of worth. God has a man out there who will treat you with dignity. Don’t settle because you are bored. You are worth so much more.
In the next few years, you are going to meet a few men who challenge you. In a good way. They will be the ones that remind you that keepers exist and are worth believing in. Worth waiting for. They’ll share their struggles, offer their perspective, and give you some love advice as only men can. It’s a beautiful thing.
You won’t realize how incredible your guy friends are. Thank them when you do get glimmers of how awesome they are. And don’t take them for granted. They will pull you through some rough times and help shape you into a better woman.
At the same time, you will be invited into their lives and given the opportunity to shape them into better men. Encourage them. Lift them up. And for goodness sake, teach them how to treat a woman. Their wives will thank you one day. Really.
Your love life will be full of ups and downs. That’s life. But people will come to you for love advice one day. Weird, right? Face it, you love love. When your friends come to you for love advice, don’t tell them what they want to hear. Tell them the truth. Show them your scars. Show them the reminders of grace. Show them the love that so many of your mentors have shown you. You have been richly invested in. Give back.
The rest of your life isn’t going to turn out how you expected it to. You won’t be living in London, working for National Geographic, or penning best-sellers. You won’t be rich. You won’t be the most beautiful woman in the room. You’ll just be you. And people will love you for it.
Don’t let your insecurities rule you. God created you to be unique. God did not create you to be a Barbie doll with a photoshopped life. He created you to be that girl who cries with strangers, speaks frankly, and will do almost anything to cheer someone else up. He did not create you to dwell in the shadows of the past. You have issues. Face them head on. You have sins. Confess them. You have a serious streak of immaturity. So grow up already.
Katie-girl, you dreamed of adventures all your life. Don’t be afraid to live one.
When you find yourself on foreign shores, look up to the stars. You are never alone. You will have twinges of loneliness and that is good. You were not created to be alone. You were created to want romance and an adventure buddy. But you will learn, dear one, that it is better to be alone than it is to be with someone because you are lonely. God has you alone at the moment but it’s for the best. Don’t question it. Embrace it.
You will have so much more to offer when you realize your worth. When you realize that God is love-drunk when He thinks about you. That you are beautiful, acne and all. You are beautiful and loved. What more can you ask for?
Cheers,
Your Older Self
November, 2011.
If you could write a letter and give your younger self love advice, what would you say?
