So I had this amazing post about apologies written. You haven’t seen it yet. But you would have loved it. I was working on it late Sunday night. Beautiful stuff.

Something kept me from pressing the publish button though. It didn’t seem like it was just quite there. The heart was missing. It was like a plastic mannequin. Perfect but without heart.

So I waited.

Good thing. Turns out I’m not perfect. I needed my own advice. 

Monday rolled around. And it was a Monday. I got in an argument. I was mad about something. The other person was mad. Things happened. Communication got muddled. I hurt someone. I didn’t mean to but it happened just the same.

Ugh.

I found myself thinking about the post I had queued up. The one that was missing soul. Thinking about how pompous I was. How the advice was stupid and how I didn’t want to take it. Sure, I wanted to publish it but no way was I going to do it myself. That was just asking too much.

See, the post was all about asking forgiveness. Not forgiving people. Asking someone to forgive you.

I had read Michael Hyatt’s blog about the topic last June. It stuck in my head.  I was thinking about how as Christians, we talk about forgiving other people. But we don’t always talk about how hard it really is to swallow our pride, own up to our actions, and apologize. That’s the scary side of the coin.

Jesus talked about forgiveness time and time again. It was a big deal to Him. A big enough deal that He’d die over it.

He said that the way we forgive others will be the same way God forgives us. That’s the verse we usually hear. But we forget about the one in Matthew about going to your brother if he has something against you and making restitution and peace.

In  my original post, I ranted against the flippant use of “Sorry!” Those come across like slaps in the face and all too often the tables get turned. The jerk who “apologized” suddenly thinks life will be perfect once again. Everything is fabulous again, right? But it’s not. It never is.

And in my original post, I grumbled about the blame shifting of “I’m sorry if…” apologies that come from those who don’t want to take responsibility for their actions. I said that really, that’s what apologies are all about. Taking responsibility for your actions, deliberate or not, that hurt someone else. Owning up to the wounds you inflicted.

The last part I blogged about was the worst.

I said that some of the most important words in the world were -

I’m sorry. I was wrong. Will you please forgive me?

What a horrible thing to write. It’s long. It’s awkward. And it makes the person disarmingly vulnerable. It’s worse that telling someone I love you. Sure, both have risk. You can be completely rejected. But saying sorry doesn’t spill out the same way saying I love you does. If you love someone, the chances are they’ll find out. You can’t help but say it. If you’re sorry…it’s up to you to make it known. It takes guts.

I wanted to rewrite the entire post (which I guess I did). To say, “No! Don’t say sorry. Let THEM say they are sorry.”

The only problem is if you’re doing that, chances are they are as well.

I wanted to say, “You don’t have to be completely sorry. You just have to be kind of sorry.” (Thank you, Matthew Cuthbert!)

I wanted to say, “Forget it! If they are offended, it’s their problem! You don’t need them anyway!”

But then I realized what a hypocrite I am.

I’m quick to offer advice but I’m slow to do what I know I need to do. I realized how I am always so quick to feel injured and not realize how my words/actions/attitudes could cause pain. It really doesn’t enter my head until it’s too late.

James 1:19 says, “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”

I’m pretty sure that if I followed that advice, I wouldn’t say such horrible things to people.

Saying sorry isn’t just about restoring friendships – although that is huge. It’s also about becoming more like Christ. If Jesus sinned, I’m pretty sure that He would be the first to apologize. Maybe I’m sinning in this supposition about my Savior but I think that it’s a pretty safe bet.

Even now, I don’t know if I want to publish this post. I don’t know how anyone will take it. It’s raw. My thoughts and emotions spilled on the screen. There are no neat and tidy answers. No happily ever afters. No Pollyanna moments. No awesome questions to get you to answer or press the share button.

Just me. Being real. Being honest about being a jerk.

This whole progressive sanctification thing? It’s not fun. But long term? It’s worth it.