It’s been a heck of a year in the dating department.

I’ve been a girlfriend, a distraction, and a best friend.

I’ve been treated like a princess, an afterthought, and an easy college girl.

I’ve gotten free dinners, free coffee, and free entertainment.

I’ve laughed at men. I’ve cried over boys. I’ve had my heart bruised, my soul stirred, and my vision for the world enlarged. It hasn’t always been the most comfortable experience in the world but I can honestly state that it’s been one of the best things for me. I’ve grown in ways that I never even knew I needed to.

There are a few lessons that I had to learn this year. Most of them happened through relationships. Not all dating relationships, but relationships, friendships, and the random acquaintance that has been struck up.

Here’s a few of them:

1. Love transforms

Love is the most powerful force in the universe. You may think that it’s greed or capitalism, but those are just inversions of love. Love is what makes men want to be better. Makes women glow. It’s what caused God to send Jesus to the cross. It’s the most beautiful thing that has ever been.

Love transforms. It will transform you and it will transform your lover. It’s tempting to think that your love is what transforms the other person but it isn’t. You are human, you will fail, and your love in finite. When your love becomes an idol, it will be proven false. Painful disillusionment will happen. The only transformation comes from a Jesus-love. The Holy Spirit moving in someone’s heart. Nudging their soul to become better and more beautiful. You can’t do it.

When you open your heart to love, you open your heart to transformation and healing. There’s something deeply magical about the way that God moves in your heart when you are open to love. Maybe it’s because you are starting to see people the way that God created them to be seen – lovely, charming, and perfect. But there’s an even deeper magic that happens when you choose to love even the most unlovely of people. You become a better person. You start to face your fears, flaws, and sins head on. You heal. You sparkle. You get that glow.

Love can be a pain. It costs. But it’s worth it. Love is always worth it.

2. Baggage happens

There is no perfect human being. No strange creature who has fully shed the baggage that they have picked up through their wanderings in life. It’s not having baggage that is a bad thing. It’s what you do with your baggage that determines how your life will play out.

I didn’t know half the baggage I carried around until earlier this year. Then a few people spoke truth into my life and pointed out the caboose full of issues was trailing behind me. It wasn’t easy finding out where things came from. It was really uncomfortable at times. Mostly because I had to compare my version of truth to what God’s truth was. And the truths that I had held so dear for years were ugly lies, marring my heart.

We’ve all met people who have let their past define their future. It doesn’t have to be that way. When you are dating, find out why you are picking up your baggage. What is triggering the issue? Get deeper than surface level spit. Find out the heart of your baggage. Deal with it. Give it to God. And heal. Encourage the same in your relationships. It’s the only way that you will grow.

3. I am a woman of worth

Last year, I learned that it was far better to be alone than just with someone because I was lonely. It’s a lesson that I’ve come back to. This year, I learned that I was a woman of worth. I had some amazing guy friends speak truth into my life when they told me “He’s not worth it” or “You deserve better.”

They were right.

As a child of God, my worth isn’t based on my looks, sexuality, or even my tax bracket. My worth is not tied up in how many books I’ve written, children I’ve adopted, or good reads that I’ve done. It’s based on who I belong to. Who loved me enough to die for me. Who has radically transformed my life. Jesus died for me to have life. That’s the eternal and the now. I was created for more than settling because of boredom. I was created for someone worth waiting for. To be someone worth waiting for. I have value. I have choices. I’m a daughter of God. That doesn’t give me the right to have entitlement issues. That means I’m called to love unconditionally, love the messy, and know that I am cherished.

What did you learn this year?

Want to connect? Feel free to shoot me an email!

Rachel Marie Ausman Bacaling

Beautiful, Caitlin! This year I have seen God work in so many people, working on so many hearts. I definitely belong in the category of learning about self-worth. I may, perhaps, still be learning– but the journey has definitely begun.

I pray that you continue to learn, grow, and move forward. May 2012 be just as fruitful as this year!

http://www.caitlinmuir.com Caitlin Muir

Thanks, Rachel! I think 2012 is going to be a beautiful year! I hope yours is as well! Thanks for stopping by.

Jen

Mmm, I liked this. Not only did pieces sound all too familiar but it also provided good reminders/encouragement. Here’s to a new year with new experiences and continued growth

http://www.caitlinmuir.com Caitlin Muir

Yes! I think 2012 will be a great year. Hard, horrible, and ugly at times. But overall, beautiful and endearing.

http://www.shepherdsdaughter.org/ Rachel @ Shepherd’s Daughter

Beautiful, Caitlin! This year I have seen God work in so many people, working on so many hearts. I definitely belong in the category of learning about self-worth. I may, perhaps, still be learning– but the journey has definitely begun.

I pray that you continue to learn, grow, and move forward. May 2012 be just as fruitful as this year!

http://www.caitlinmuir.com Caitlin Muir

Thanks, Rachel!

Realizing worth is hard. But once you get a glimmer, it takes your breath away and changes everything! I’m excited as you start that journey. Keep me updated!

http://profiles.google.com/laurenjeanstm Lauren St Martin

I love this. A lot of it rings true with lessons I’ve learned this year, but I’d say that probably the biggest lesson I’ve learned was the power of forgiveness. Not only for others, but for myself as well. Sometimes its easy to do, but most times it requires God’s meddling in my brain for it to take hold.

http://www.caitlinmuir.com Caitlin Muir

I once heard someone say that forgiveness is the gift you give yourself. With the bits of story that you’ve shared with me, I have to say that you are a better woman than I am, and I am proud to call you my friend. Here’s to growing even deeper into that woman God sees when He looks at you!

http://profiles.google.com/laurenjeanstm Lauren St Martin

Can I just say how glad I am that we randomly encountered each other and actually met? Cause I am. Like really, really glad. And I can’t wait to see and hear what God’s got for you. It’s gonna be amazing.

http://twitter.com/joshstephens Joshua Stephens

This is great! I really enjoyed it! I’ve learned a lot of the same over the last year, but the biggest lesson that I have learned over the last year is that, through all of the storms that I may go through, there is still joy to be held onto. My perspective has shifted so much, and now, instead of getting down on my trials, I look at the joy that has come from and during those times.

Thanks again for sharing!

http://www.caitlinmuir.com Caitlin Muir

Thanks for stopping by Joshua!

Choosing joy is hard but once you learn, it changes everything, doesn’t it?

http://www.facebook.com/people/Stephanie-Ford/775977844 Stephanie Ford

Caitlin, this is great stuff. I can only say in my own way I have stumbled onto some of the same things just perhaps hadn’t worded them so well. This is truly something that I think a lot of young girls don’t get when they first start dating. It has been a thought of mine to write a book to the girls of today and share some of these truths with them. All too often we do rely on a guy to make us feel alive when instead we should be focusing on being the best we can be as a Christian example in this world.

http://www.caitlinmuir.com Caitlin Muir

I certainly didn’t get it when I started dating! There is a deep security in knowing that you are loved by Jesus. That’s the relationship we were designed to find our security and identity in. Not our marital or dating status.

You should write that book!

http://www.facebook.com/people/Stephanie-Ford/775977844 Stephanie Ford

Someone definitely needs to write that book. I see you have another article that mentions something about sexual purity. Another critical issue that would be addressed in the book. Am about to go read that article and may write more there

http://twitter.com/jcderrick1 J.C. Derrick

Excellent, excellent thoughts. It’s interesting you would post this today, because earlier I was thinking about the lessons I’ve learned this year. I have to say, though, my year has been something of the opposite in terms of dating. It’s been refreshingly void of any love life activity! Yet God has taught me so much, and I know I am better prepared for whatever He has in store down the road.

http://www.caitlinmuir.com Caitlin Muir

It’s funny. Every year, God seems to give me a different theme.

In 2010, it was change. And everything did change. Hair color, zip code, tax bracket, skin tone (thank you ,sunshine!), car, job, etc. It was about finding that God is enough.

2011 was about love. Learning what it meant to not only give love, but accept it. To bask in the knowledge that Jesus loves me and try to wrap my mind around the everyday implications of it.

I have no idea what 2012 is going to bring. And that’s awesome.

Nelson_dls

Awesome! Like mother Teresa once said “Love until it hurts. Real love is always painful and hurts; then it is real and pure.”

http://www.caitlinmuir.com Caitlin Muir

Mother Teresa was on to something.

Love is much more than pop songs would have you believe.

Trinafowl

That was beautiful Caitlin. God is so sweet that he loves you in that he would pursue you to know of His love more and your worth in Him this year. I love that no matter what season we all are in, God is always teaching us the same…about Him. Sanctifying us through different means, but pursuing the same heart that life overflows out of. Precious to be reminded of these truths today. Thank you for sharing!

http://www.caitlinmuir.com Caitlin Muir

Thanks for stopping by, Trina! I appreciate your kind words and the reminder that it’s all ultimately about God.

http://www.HannahGirl.com/ HannahGirl

Beautiful post!! Been learning a lot of that myself lately. Thanks for sharing

http://www.caitlinmuir.com Caitlin Muir

Thanks for stopping by Hannah! Would you add any lessons to the list?

http://www.HannahGirl.com/ HannahGirl

Well I was going to say in my original comment, but I just can’t seem to condense it, haha! But let’s see… one of the biggest things was truly understanding how much God loves me – to the point where it doesn’t matter if anyone else does or doesn’t. I knew that, we all know that, but I think I REALLY get it now – if that makes sense.

http://www.caitlinmuir.com Caitlin Muir

It does.

What I’ve Learned About Love This Year

1. Love transforms

2. Baggage happens

3. I am a woman of worth

What did you learn this year?